


Cultural Differences

by Karartegirl99



Category: Homestuck, Invader Zim
Genre: Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Mistaken for Being in a Relationship, but not really?, idk you do you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-13
Updated: 2020-02-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:53:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22696669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Karartegirl99/pseuds/Karartegirl99
Summary: An Alternian Troll sees Zim and Dib fighting and jumps to some conclusions.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 49





	Cultural Differences

Zim and Dib were having an epic space battle on top of a moving asteroid. (They had been having a lot of epic space battles, recently.) Nearby, their ships were tethered to a smaller asteroid, and they fought with high-tech weapons that were much too dangerous for practical use. The battle was reaching its climax when a third, unfamiliar ship pulled up nearby. Both of them lowered their plasma guns in confusion.

From inside the ship, the pilot spoke to them via radio, acting as if this was all very routine and boring. “I am a scout from the Alternian Imperial Colonization Squad. May I inquire where the nearest life-sustaining planet is?”

“You can’t have it,” Zim said. “It’s marked for Irken conquest.”

“Like Hell it is!” Dib said.

“Shut up, Dib-human, this is none of your business! Besides, is it not in our mutual favor to keep any more interested parties away from the planet?”

“How is it none of my business if it’s in my favor?”

“Am I interrupting something?” asked the Alternian scout, blushing from the safety of his cockpit.

“Yes, actually, we’re kinda fighting over the _fate of the entire human race,_ ” said Dib.

Zim waved him aside. “Pay no mind to the human. He has no idea of the complex social treaties that make up galactic property war.”

Dib rolled his eyes. “You mean property law?”

“All law is war, Dib,” Zim snapped. “Especially amongst galactic civilizations. I suppose you wouldn’t know that.”

Dib groaned. “I am so _sick_ of your holier-than-thou alien thing! Stop acting like I even care!”

“If you don’t care so much than why are you upset?” Zim retorted.

The scout sounded flustered. “I’m really… not qualified… to handle such personal disputes…”

Zim turned to look at the troll ship. “From what I’ve seen you don’t seem qualified for much of anything, let alone galactic conquest. Why don’t you take your obsolete ship far away from Irken territory before you get arrested for trespassing?”

The scout studied his maps. “I suppose I don’t have to explore this system too much…”

“Yes, that’s a good idea,” said Dib, “but, first, can you maybe help a guy out and keep this evil little lizard here from attempting to take over my homeplanet?”

“I don’t like to get involved… I’m on duty, and I’m not much of an auspistice…”

“Spare us your life story and be gone!” Zim yelled.

The scout revved up his ship and prepared to depart. Zim and Dib quickly resumed their battle, and as the troll flew away he sent them one last radio transmission: “You two make a lovely couple.” Zim and Dib exchanged horrified glances.


End file.
